Shiplout! Shiplout! Oi! Oi! Oi!
by ZombieCatTookMyPudding
Summary: Snoutlout was a shipper before it was cool.
1. Chapter 1

Sitting alone at the edge of a cliff together, Astrid leaned her blonde head into Hiccup's small but strong shoulder, his arm wrapped around her thin waist. The orange sky slowly turning to night sparkled in their eyes as they watched the sunset together.

"It's beautiful, Hiccup. You know, if we didn't have to fight Dragon Hunters all the time, I wish every moment could be like this."

 _"Iz beauful, Hiccup, wish evry moment coul be lik dis,"_ a mocking voice came from somewhere behind them. Ignoring it, Hiccup replied,

"Yeah, me too."

 **"Yah, _me too."_** The mocking voice had become gruff and deep, far deeper than Hiccup's. Both of them letting out an annoyed sigh, they turned to find a stout, black-haired Viking their age behind them, leaning against a tree in the shadows, bitter and thirsty as usual. Noticing he was spotted, he stepped halfway behind the tree, as if he wasn't sure whether to reveal himself, or keep hiding and mocking him.

"Snotlout, don't you have anything better to do?"

 **"Don't you hav anything beter to do?"** he retorted in his mocking voice again. Hiccup and Astrid gave him a look to tell him neither of them were amused. Growling, he folded his arms and began to walk away. "Stupid Hiccstrid," he muttered quietly.

"Why does he keep combining our names like that?" Astrid wondered aloud.

"I dunno, something he calls 'shipping' I guess. I don't know exactly what that means, but I'm hoping it's just a phase."

Stopping in his tracks, Hiccup unwittingly gave the eavesdropping Snotlout an idea: it _wouldn't_ be just a phase. He would make so many ships, that it would...er...make a point! (Though what point that that was, he wasn't sure, yet. (Although, if he were really being honest, he was just looking for an excuse to be both the biggest shipper of their time, and to annoy the crap out of everyone.)) Letting out an evil laugh, all he got in turn were scaring some birds from the tree, and a weirded out stare from the couple behind him. Ignoring them, he straightened his posture, and walked away with the usual arrogant swagger he had to his steps.

"What do you think he's planning now?"

"No idea, but whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be short-lived," Hiccup assured her.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**

 **All right, I know it's been quite a while since I've updated, but believe me, I haven't forgotten about this. ;)**

* * *

Snotlout had waited until first thing the next morning, because, well, there were so many ships going through his mind, he had no idea where to start first!

Or, that was, until he caught sight of Astrid, the stunning blonde finishing up her morning ride with Stormfly.

"Well good morning, beautiful," Snotlout greeted her flirtatiously.

Astrid let out a sigh of irritation as she dismounted her Nadder. "What is it now, Snotlout?"

"I get that you're already dating Hiccup, but come on! A girl like you with a nerd like _him_? PLEASE! You deserve a _man_ by your side. How 'bout you give up 'Hiccstrid' so we can become 'Snotstrid'? Eh?"

"How about _you_ leave before I punch you in the face?" she retorted.

Snotlout stood wide-eyed, and a bit nervous at her threat. Clearing his throat, he casually stated, "...your loss," and walked away whistling.

Oh well, it was worth a shot.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **…That was probably the shortest chapter I've ever written. Oh well. I'm not apologizing for anything. XD**

 **The next chapter will be much closer than this one, so stay tuned! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**

 **Calvin (Guest): If you're asking about whether Heathlegs, Dagla, and Rufflegs showing up later in the fic, the answer is "yes, they will. :)" I've already planned on Toothfly as well, but I admit I didn't think about Toothlug or Windless, but they both sound very interesting! Not 100% sure on Meatmaster though...I'll think about that one. ;)**

* * *

For the rest of the day, Snotlout behaved and didn't annoy anyone with his habits (at least, when it came to shipping)...up until Heather and Windshear took a visit to the island.

"Well, hello, hello, Heather," he greeted the two. "What are you doing here?"

Heather rolled her eyes. "To see Fishlegs," she answered simply, sliding down from Windshear's back.

"All spruced up too, I see. Going on a date?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact," she stated, folding her arms. "Why do _you_ need to know?"

"I don't, _BUT_..."

Heather growled softly and facepalmed at Snotlout's ' _BUT..._ '

"Why waste your time with some uber-dragon geek," Snotlout cupped Heather's chin, "when you can get a _real_ man who would make you the center of his world?"

Disgusted, Heather pushed Snotlout's hand away. "That's not true," she replied. "Fishlegs spends plenty of time with me. Besides, it's healthy to spend time apart to pursue your own interests."

"All right, sure, but how 'bout a guy that'd keep his lady safe with his awesome raw strength?" he asked, showing off his muscles.

"I can fend for myself," Heather began to walk away, Windshear following her. "And even if I _couldn't_ , I have a man who's able to tackle a gronckle."

"Gronkles? Please." Snoutlout started following her. " _I_ handle my monsterous nightmare on a daily basis."

"I think Hookfang would disagree."

"Okay but-"

Heather stopped, glaring at him. "No 'buts'. 'No' means 'no', okay?"

"...Can I just ask one more question?"

"Fine," she turned to him. "What?"

"Why him and not me?"

A snarky smirk pulled across Heather's face. "Because I prefer the ones who put more effort into their _brain_ rather than their _brawn._ "

Snotlout stood there, watching as Heather and Windshear continued on their way. "stupid Heathlegs," he grumbled to himself, "'Heathlout' sounds like a way better pairing."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**

 **I only realized this just now, but holy crap, this fanfic is 366 days old! Happy Ship-a-versary, I guess, and enjoy the next chapter! Hopefully I'll have more coming soon!**

* * *

After Heather and Fishlegs spent a romantic afternoon together, he had offered for her and Windshear to stay the night, as there was a large storm heading for the Edge, clouds even brewing in the sky right at this moment. She wasn't going to stay in _his_ hut, of course (no need for the temptation of improper actions), in Astrid's!

"Thanks for letting me stay with you tonight," Astrid said to Heather. "Besides Stormfly, I don't ever really get to hang out with other girls."

"What about Ruffnut?" Heather asked.

"Ruffnut's a _girl?!_ " Astrid's eyes were wide, feigning surprise.

Together they continued to walk back to Astrid's hut, laughing at their joke.

Meanwhile Snotlout was stal-er, _casually watching them_ from a nearby tree. Watching them walk side by side, their hips swaying two and fro...it got him thinking: Astrid is a hot girl, Heather is a hot girl...would it be weird...or maybe even _wrong_ if...he thought it'd be kind of hot if they were _together?_ Pondering this for a few moments, he decided since this isn't the first time he had shipped two people of the same gender, he wasn't going to think too hard about it!

"LOOK OUT!" he called. "HEATHSTRID ALERT!" he laughed, a whistle and a cheer following his comment.

"What's 'Heathstrid' supposed to mean?" Heather asked.

Astrid sighed. "I'll explain when we get to my place."

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning struck Snotlout and knocked him to the ground.

"...I'm okay!"


End file.
